I have been back in the United States a week, but I feel like everything that happens is still so strange. My life in Africa feels like a lifetime ago some moments and like I should still be there others.
I still do not know where I stand or who I am in THIS world. I loved Uganda. Loved it with my whole heart. I loved my friends, I loved the people, I loved the beauty of the country, I loved the heat, I loved the fruit, I loved the sunset, I loved my family, I loved walks to town, I loved everything.
Coming 'back' has been a lot harder for me than it probably should be. I could relay countless culture shock incidents but it is not even that. I changed in Uganda. I changed a great deal, and I really struggle with people now. I feel like most people do not get it, they do not care that I have changed. I feel like many people are expecting me to come back to college the same girl I have been for the past two years, but I am not that person at all.
It is almost Christmas and I do not feel festive at all. I feel like I am in a dream. Like both my worlds cannot be real, and I am already tired of being in this one. I do not know how to adjust back. No matter how much re-entry someone puts me through, I still do not know how to adjust to this.
I knew it would be hard but I did not know that every day I would struggle to get out of bed because I did not get to wake up to the sun. I did not know that I was going to feel out of every loop created. I did not know I would feel like I lost the friends I had, and like going back to college in PA would simply feel like a nightmare. I did not know I would have a breakdown because I was living alone next semester, or because the dog at my chocolate. I did not know that I would feel so lost in broke in a matter of a week, and feel completely confused.
I did not realize how just out of it I would be in general. I went back to work yesterday and it was the most in sync I have felt in the past week.
I am tired a lot, and I need so much sleep. Everyone says jet lag but I am not sure if I can still attribute it to that. I cannot get over the hot water, the no fire oven, the big screen HD TV, the food, the desserts, the color of people, the stores, the stuff, the carpet, the washing machine, the dryer, the dishwasher, the cell phone that I do not have to pay for. It feels like I dream world, and I just want to learn how to live in it again.