I have been thinking about a lot of different things lately as my time here dwindles down. One is that I am not ready to leave Uganda in 5 weeks. Part of me is, in the sense that I miss my friends and family. In the same moment I am not ready to leave my friends here, to leave this amazing semester and country and continent that I love so much.
It is hard to explain all my feelings towards the matter. I realized it all yesterday though at my practicum. I was sitting with about 10 kids, one was HIV positive, about 5 were blind, and obviously all had been abandoned in some way, shape or form. As sarah just laid her head on my lap and we talked to them all, I felt so helpless like I could do nothing. And in that moment I realized how split up my heart truly is.
They say home is where your heart is but what if your heart is not in one place? Although I have not moved as much as some people have, I have moved a great deal. I also am someone who gets emotionally attached to people and places easily. I do not really know why, and my papa always told me that I needed to learn to control my emotions. Although as I have been growing up this has happened more, I am still someone who gets attached. Quickly, and I struggle with ever letting go.
I was born in Florida, then I moved to Indiana where I met friends for life. The Kirts will forever be my other family. Then I moved to northern France in the Alps, and the Southern France near Marseille. Then to Morocco. I lived in Georgia for the summers, and somehow ended up in Pennsylvania for school.
In each of those places I left a piece of me, of my heart. I fell in love over and over again and part of me will always be in those places. Now I am not saying that I am not 'whole' anymore, or that whoever I marry will not get all of my heart because that is not it at all.
Moving all around gave me many passions in life. I have this desire to change the world, even though realistically I know that I cannot. I have passions for so many things I do not know what on earth to do with my life.
All this to say that I love Africa, I love Uganda, and I am so very happy that I am here. I miss people yes, but I always miss someone - always. Also just that I think home is a relative term. Home is wherever I am in that moment. Home is my family and home is with the person who has my heart in a totally different way than anyone else ever will. Home is not a place where I grew up for 20 years of my life. Home is not a town, a city, or a country. Home is what you make it. Home is a feeling of belonging and a love for who you are with and where you are.
One of the best choices I have ever made for myself was to come here, and get away from everything for a semester. I absolutely love my life and I am so happy.
(I hope this all made some sense :)